- Gareth Ellis
How to sell a house in your pants
Recently we made the decision to move house.
Our current, beloved, little home is just too small for us now and we need to move somewhere bigger.
But what does moving house mean? Looking at potential new houses of course. Fuck me, it’s a ball ache.
Because we’d agreed on a sale first and had originally planned to rent the thought of looking didn’t enter our minds.
The sale itself was hilarious. So picture the scene, I was sat in my boxers with just a slanket round me, chilling on a Sunday morning at 10am. Suddenly the door went and a young lady was on our doorstep. I wondered what she was selling until I didn’t see a clipboard. She then told us she had a viewing that day. Cue panic and running around quickly to clean and more importantly, get dressed.
So we showed her around despite the fact I’d only just got dressed and J had just stepped out of the shower. Somehow she still put in an offer.
So then when we decided to buy we panicked. We looked at a house (we’d already fallen in love with pictures online) and went to see it.
When that turned out to be too small we panicked again. So we took a whole day off and looked at 6 houses!
I honestly thought it would be a piece of piss; walk round, look at some houses then make an offer that evening, bob’s your uncle.
After we’d looked at the 4th house nothing had blown us away. That is despite J falling in love with the guinea pigs at one. I had to tell her they didn’t come with the house.
The estate agent who showed us around didn’t come with the house either.
He was amazing, and in stark contrast to the bumbling fucktard who showed us around the house we actually offered on. He was like a cartoon character. He started off by saying he knew ‘not a lot’ about the house, then said ‘don’t fall up the stairs’ as he then fell up the stairs. Hilarious.
Finally, we looked at a house while the owners were still in it, not a lot more awkward, except answering the door in your pants.
After an evening’s deliberating we put in an offer as we drove down to see the in-laws. We put in our best offer and beat the other couple vying for it, suckers!
However, after putting in our offer the estate agent got in touch with the sellers and we had to wait to hear the outcome.
After a 20 minute wait that felt more like a day he came back to us it was like an episode of the x-factor as he started off by saying ‘well, the other people also put in a good offer…..but yours was higher so the house is yours.’ It felt like we were through to the judge’s houses.
Cheers knobhead, only a few more greys on the head. But amazing news nonetheless.
Now all we have to do is go through weeks of surveys, legal bollocks and other fun. Although, it could be the best way to finish off our amazing year.
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