• Gareth Ellis

45 is the new 60

45 wankers.

If you live outside of Milton Keynes then you are unlikely to have encountered these cretins. However, the aptly named 45 wankers have been plaguing J and I for years now. So much so that we invented this name.

They manifest themselves in cars capable of driving at twice this speed on 60mph roads and proceed to trundle along at 45mph.

Now I’m not saying they should be driving at 90mph and I’m not an illegally quick driver but for fuck’s sake don’t pull out on me and then travel at a speed usually reserved for gumps on 1 speed mopeds.

The biggest problem is I’ve never, ever seen a sign for 45mph in my life. Hands up, who has? No-one? No, because they don’t bloody exist.

The worst offenders crawl out of the woodwork on a long road, perfect for building up speed, leading up to a large supermarket close to our house.

However, these parasites deem that distance not far enough away to build up to the perfectly acceptable 60mph. Not even 50mph. Always bang on 45!

At the end of my tether I think I’ll build a sign. At this point I’d even pay for one, telling all 45 wankers to put their foot down on that pedal furthest to the right. Maybe write an open letter to the local paper. ‘Dear motorists, the little white circular sign with the black line through it means you can drive 60mph on a single carriageway road, cheers’

Maybe, just like any other British person I’ll just tut, roll my eyes and mutter something to J, safe in the knowledge they’ll never ever hear me.

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